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她刚刚躺过的地方,蜷缩起来小小一片,手摸过去还是热的,不像猫,更像条什么小狗,在这儿沉甸甸趴了一会儿,人走了,给他留下一片暖和的浅坑。

玉知试探着问:“你看到了?”其实她一直怀疑邢文易看到了“讨厌爸爸”那四个写得奇大的字,但他一直不问,她也不想主动提。

她说悄悄话似的,声音很小,不过在安静的夜里也能让邢文易听得很清楚:“我可能有点兴奋,睡了一阵子,醒了就睡不着了。”

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邢文易也说不上来。他看待事情没那么正向,总是在脑子里想,万一吵架了、不愉快了、不欢而归了……一切都往坏的方向想,焦虑到胃痛还不肯罢休。

他把被子从头上扯下来,伸手去开床头柜上的灯。灯一开,他眼睛有点不能适应地眯了一阵子,玉知就趁着这功夫坐到他床上来,扯过他的被子盖在自己腿上。

躺在床上也是辗转反侧,失眠直到凌晨一点半。再不睡明天真会吃不消,邢文易心里这样想,把身体蜷缩起来,被子紧紧裹着脑袋。他小时候这样睡觉一定会被骂,到他自己做了父亲也会把玉知蒙在脸上的被子扯开。唉。

“……穿了!”邢文易让她一惊一乍弄得睡意尽散,只不过是睡裤宽松,裤腿缩到膝盖上了而已。他被搅扰到真忍不住要赶人了:“你回你自己床上去睡。”

因为不知如何应对所以无助。两个人回了家,猫没了,玉知没有停留在公共区域的理由,进自己房间洗澡,准备睡觉。睡前邢文易敲门进来问她要不要喝银耳,他端进来给她。这其实有点反常,以往他做了什么吃的或者切了水果都会叫她出去吃,因为潜意识觉得卧室是睡觉的地方,食物不能端进去。

玉知撇撇嘴:“你不也没睡着。”她觉得有点冷,邢文易睡觉的时候不喜欢开暖风,他觉得热,睡觉不老实,所以这边房间温度要低很多。玉知越坐越往被窝里倒,最后索性裹着被子和邢文易各占床的一边,她其实也不是很自然,但是捱不住冷,身上睡衣太薄了。

明天上午的飞机,今天晚上猫就要送到刘佳慧家去寄养。玉知跟着他一起去送,在刘佳慧家里看见喵喵的另一个兄弟,黑白配色,起名叫“警长”,看着更胖些。

蹑手蹑脚的动静传入他的耳朵,玉知开着手机手电筒来他房间门口,探着半截身子偷看他睡着没有。她应该是觉得头蒙得这样严实一定是睡了,又想撤回去,没想到邢文易突然出声把她吓了一跳:“没睡觉?”

新婚似的滚到一起,他则在房间清点两个人的行李、确定海南的天气。

邢文易沉默下去,玉知用余光看他,嘴绷得很紧,眉心蹙起,如果不了解他可能会觉得这是不耐烦的提现,但玉知知道不是——他是在无助。

这是在服软?玉知说:“要吃。”就是顺着台阶下了。邢文易把枸杞红枣全挑出去,碗里只有炖烂的胶质银耳汤。玉知一口一口舀,邢文易就坐在一边看她喝,末了接过她喝完的碗,手指碰到她嘴唇挨过的那一小片,有点粘粘的。

邢玉知最讨厌他说这三个字,她还是希望他用实际行动做些什么,比如这一次带她去旅行,而不是把对不起挂在嘴边。他说了对不起,相对应她就要说“没关系”,但真的没关系了吗?撒谎。

玉知送完猫到家还有些牵挂,她一边系上安全带一边和邢文易说“要天天打视频电话过去看喵喵”,突然察觉到邢文易今天话很少。

“嗯。”两个人心照不宣,彼此都知道在说什么,邢文易又说:“对不起。”

他忍不住转过身去,不再面对女儿,声音闷闷地传过来:“我就是睡眠不行。”

死鸭子嘴硬。玉知哼一声,不和他闹了。她真怕自己再躺就真要在这张床上困昏过去,自己房间里的暖风还开着呢。她从被窝里挣扎出来,说:“懒得管你了。”就往自己房间里回了。邢文易好不容易适应旁边躺了个人,她一走被窝里空了,又有点空落落的。有时候他也愿意让玉知闹一闹的,小孩子的活力会沾染给他,让他身边叽叽喳喳地热闹一阵子,就是嘴硬不愿意承认自己喜欢。

“你怎么了?不高兴?”玉知探头看他,邢文易说“没有”,但分明就是情绪不高的样子。

邢文易看着她弯弯的眼睛,心情轻快起来,突然有了旅行的实感:“好。”他拿着碗去厨房,碗里一下就冲干净,但碰到碗沿的手却多洗了洗。流水穿过指缝带走泡沫,他察觉到自己对这场旅行其实是有些紧张的,神经绷得很紧,他很害怕搞砸。

她没怎么做攻略,到时候全靠邢文易带她跑,也不知道能不能行。她和爸爸的距离有点远,这一块的床单只能算得上温热,不过被子还挺暖和的,大概是刚刚他裹在身上的缘故。玉知的脚在被子里乱踢了两下,踢到邢文易的腿,她踩到他的肌肤时好像被烫到一下似的,吓一大跳:“你不会没穿裤子吧?”

这事被他们打哑谜似的遛来遛去,邢文易觉得疲倦,又因为她说的这句话如释重负。他说“我知道”又补充:“我从来不怪你,你没做错什么。”

“有什么睡不着的,把眼睛闭上,别想事。”邢文易讲得淡淡的,其实自己也做不到,脑子里思绪纷杂,翻来覆去、把被子扭成麻花也没见把自己扭晕。

玉知听了这话,不知道怎么突然笑了,她总算得到一句“你没错”,心里的乌云一扫而空,立刻翻身下床去漱口,到了小浴室门口回头对着邢文易说:“爸你明天早点把我叫醒,别耽误飞机。”

玉知在他要走的时候说:“我没怪你,你也别怪我。”

“我不。”玉知知道他衣服都穿得好好的,反而更靠近了点:“你根本就是睡不着,到底是焦虑还是兴奋啊?”

她硬硬地回答:“不要说对不起。”

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