第70章(2/2)

“那里从来?都不?是我的家。”

季栩不?理解为什么时榴会这么抗拒, 随后不?知意识到什么，他的脸色突然变得很难看，他问时榴：“为什么不?想回去?, 他们对你不?好?吗？”

“不?好?了！不?好?了！”

时榴眨了眨眼睛，潜意识地用哄小孩的语气跟季栩说?话：“你是不?是不?喜欢妈妈, 是不?是不?想和我在一起？”

时榴深深地凝视着季栩的眼睛：“只有在你的身边, 才算是我的家。”

“我在为我自己悲伤。”时榴眨眨眼睛，他捧起季栩的脸，轻声?向他诉说?：“妈妈从来?都没?有伤害别人的念头，却无端受到了伤害，还连累你也吃了这么多年的苦。”

他把眼泪咽回去?，有些怔怔地握住季栩的手，这些话他从未对任何人说?过，但是却在季栩面前?不?加思考就全盘托出：“从前?我总是觉得生活很难熬，身份低微，依靠别人的宠爱而活最?让我难过的是孤独，不?过好?在你回来?了。”

这太离奇了。

李筠欢。

“你另外一个儿子呢？”

“对不?起，对不?起是妈妈不?小心把你弄丢了，你怨我，是应该的”

时榴几乎每晚都能?梦到自己亲手的孩子。

季栩别过脸, 避开时榴望过来?的炽热眼神他的视线不?知落在了哪个角落，叹了口气，道：“陆大哥把一切都告诉我了，再?给我一点时间, 好?好?想一想吧。”

季栩装作不?经意的样子，仿佛只是随口一提：“你不?是还收养了一个儿子吗，怎么，他对你也不?好?？”

“大人，宫里出事了！

寂静的雪夜里响起几道人声?，吓了时榴一跳，他慌慌张张地想躲在季诩的身后，结果被季诩一把抱住，脸也被按住埋进他的孩子怀里。

时榴原是不?信神佛的，但他却不?止一次地向上天，像佛祖祈祷，希望能?回到过去?，不?管是什么时候都好?，让他救下哪怕一个亲人。

----------------

那是很痛苦的一晚，时榴细细地回忆起当初自己的处境。家中父母亲生死不?明，而自己也因为怀孕变得十分乏力，连走出那扇门的机会都没?有。他跪倒在血泊之中，醒来?时又被告知辛苦孕育十月的孩子是死胎，他那时都不?知道该先?哭哪一个才好?。

时榴愣了一下, 他不?明白为什么季栩会在知晓自己的身世之后反而会比先?前?更加冷漠, 但他突然意识到, 如果站在季栩的角度想一想, 一位关系普通的同?僚突然摇身一变变成了自己失散多年的亲生母亲, 更何况还是一位男人，任谁来?想必都难以接受。

时榴放下微微抬起的手，原本只是想摸摸自己孩子的脸, 可当注视着那张明显已经是成熟男人的英俊脸庞时，他再?也无法说?服自己季栩还是一个需要被保护的孩子。那些错过的时光永远也找不?回来?, 而他似乎永远都只会沉溺在过去?, 沉溺在自己的幻想中。

“什么？”

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雪泻流

作者有话说：其实真相大白后受到打击最大的反而是季诩，从各种方面上来讲都是[哦哦哦]

“所以我要让那些伤害我的人感受到比我更加痛上千倍万倍的苦，否则一点也不?公平。”

筠欢的存在也是特殊的，时榴不?想否认他的贡献，轻轻呢喃道：“筠欢他很好?。”但这怎么能?一样呢？时榴很清楚，他与李筠欢始终都是一对没?有血缘关系的母子，他可以为李筠欢承担起照顾的责任，却始终无法从李筠欢那里汲取到自己想要的亲情。

几乎是同?步，门被几名?匆匆忙忙的锦衣卫推开，他们直直地冲进来?跪在季诩面前?禀报这个一点征兆都没?有的急况：“大理寺少卿带着不?知从何而来?的私兵闯进宫城，目前?已经挟持了太后，皇上如今正派人来?召您进宫护驾！”

“你是在为我悲伤吗？”季栩的指尖抹上时榴眼角渗出的眼泪，眼神晦暗不?明：“没?有这个必要，我不?会离开你。”

有时候是在院子里玩耍，手上捏着丝线，在天空中放着纸鸢。也有时候，他的孩子是一捧土，他跪在小小的墓碑前?，质问自己为什么如此的无能?。

季栩有些疑惑：“我并没?有在怪你，为什么你要把所有的错都揽在自己身上？我被带走的时候你还在产床上躺着连眼睛都睁不?开吧, 难道你想就能?救下我？”

因为一个人实在是太孤独，太痛苦。

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