番外5平常的一天(齐线)(2/3)

&ot;可怕？&ot;齐雁声挑眉，似乎觉得这个词很有趣，&ot;阿一，你忘记咗我哋係咩行业了？舞台上，我哋扮演嘅就係另一种&039;仿生人&039;啊。按照剧本设定，去爱，去恨，去死亡。观众明知係假，都还是会感动喊。嗰种情感嘅&039;真实&039;，并唔依赖于佢係咪源于演员自身嘅自由意志，而在于呈现嘅&039;效果&039;係咪打动人心。&ot;

她挪动了一下位置，靠近齐雁声，然后侧身，将头轻轻靠在了她的肩膀上，像只超大型犬，把她整个拢在怀里。这是一个带着点依赖意味的动作，与她平日冷峭的外表极不相符。

直到齐雁声的手机响了起来。是剧团的电话，似乎是一些排练的细节需要她确认。她接起电话，用流利的粤语低声交谈着，肩膀依然保持着让霍一依靠的姿势，只是那只原本抚摸她头发的手收了回去。

&ot;攰咗？&ot;她问，声音放得很低，怕惊扰了这一刻的宁静。

她们就这样依偎着，沉默了很长一段时间。阳光慢慢移动，从沙发的一侧移动到另一侧。阿宝醒了过来，打了个哈欠，摇摇晃晃地走到自己的水盆边喝水，发出响亮的舔水声。

霍一几乎要睡着了。在这种安心的氛围里，连日的焦虑和失眠似乎找到了暂时的避风港。

霍一睁开眼，看着近在咫尺的、齐雁声说话时微微颤动的睫毛和开合的嘴唇。她听着她冷静而条理清晰地处理着事务，语气温和却带着不容置疑的权威。这是另一个joyce，干练的、负责的、处于社会关系中的齐雁声。

&ot;揾唔返嚟，就重新写一个。&ot;齐雁声的声音带着笑意，轻松得像在说一件很简单的事，&ot;记忆呢家嘢，本来就会自己呃自己。有时候，一个足够好嘅新故事，比苦苦追寻嗰个唔知真假嘅旧梦，更有意义。&ot;

但齐雁声很快收回了手，神色如常地端起茶杯：&ot;不过话是话，如果真有咁样嘅仿生人，被咁样毫无保留、程序设定般咁爱住，某种程度上，都几幸福嘎？至少唔使担心背叛同厌倦。&ot;她语气轻松，仿佛刚才那个喂食的动作和深沉的对话都只是寻常插曲。

&ot;最近写嘢唔太顺。&ot;霍一低声说，像呢喃又像告解，&ot;卡在一个地方，点都过唔去。&ot;

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&ot;一个关于遗忘同追寻嘅故事。主角想揾返一段好重要嘅记忆，但发现嗰段记忆本身可能就係虚构嘅。&ot;霍一闭着眼，任由自己沉溺在这种被抚摸的舒适感里。她没有说，那个主角的困境，或多或少映射了她自己当下的心境——对过往的迷恋，对现状的困惑，对未来的不确定。

长环境、情感创伤、甚至生理本能编写出的&ot;代码&ot;驱使？她自己能分得清吗？如果分不清，那她的爱，与仿生人的模拟，又有多少本质的区别？

&ot;嗯。&ot;霍一闭上眼睛，鼻腔里充盈着对方身上淡淡的兰花檀香气，混合着普洱和陈皮的味道，令人安心。她能感觉到齐雁声肩胛骨的形状，以及布料下温热的体温。这种不带情欲的肢体接触，反而让她产生一种更深切的悸动。仿佛她们不只是共享肉体欢愉的伴侣，还是可以彼此依靠、分享静谧时光的同类。

霍一抬起眼，看到齐雁声正看着她，眼神里带着一种难以言喻的神色，似乎是探究，又似乎是包容，还有一丝极淡的、几乎无法察觉的怜惜。霍一的心脏猛地一跳。

这是一个自然而亲昵的动作。霍一微微怔了一下，然后低头，就着她的手咬了一口。酥脆的外皮和嫩滑的蛋液在口中化开，甜腻适中。她的嘴唇不可避免地碰到了齐雁声的指尖，触感温热而略微粗糙，那是常年练习枪棒和化妆卸妆留下的痕迹。

霍一直起身，

齐雁声笑了起来，眼角的细纹舒展开：&ot;哎呀，同你倾计总是容易跑到好深嘅地方去。我哋只係演员，谂咁多做咩嘢。&ot;她伸手又拿起一个蛋挞，递到霍一嘴边，&ot;试下啦，冻咗酥皮就唔脆啦。&ot;

霍一忽然不想再讨论仿生人了。她觉得那个话题像一面镜子，照出了她内心太多不确定和惶恐。她更愿意沉浸在此刻这种具象的、温暖的亲密感里。

阿宝在脚边发出轻微的鼾声。客厅里只剩下时钟滴答的轻响和茶壶保温座偶尔发出的微弱电流声。一种宁静而黏稠的氛围弥漫开来。

她放下茶杯，身体向后靠进沙发里，姿态舒展：&ot;所以，喺我睇嚟，真假或许冇咁重要。重要嘅係，份&039;爱&039;嘅呈现，係咪足够有说服力，係咪能够令对方或者话，令旁观者，感受到嗰种强烈嘅情感波动。至于内核係代码定係灵魂，有时候，可能连自己都搞唔清楚。&ot;

&ot;咩样嘅故仔？&ot;齐雁声的手指无意识地卷着霍一的一缕长发，动作轻柔。

&ot;唔会觉得可怕吗？&ot;霍一追问，她舔掉唇角的蛋挞屑，目光紧紧锁着对方，&ot;嗰种被设定好嘅、无法更改嘅、甚至可能扭曲嘅爱？就好似被一个完美嘅陷阱捕获。&ot;

齐雁声的身体似乎僵硬了一瞬，随即放松下来。她没有推开霍一，也没有说话，只是伸出手，自然而然地搭在了霍一的另一侧手臂，手指轻轻捏了捏她衬衫下绷紧的肌肉。

电话打了将近十分钟。挂断后，齐雁声轻轻拍了拍霍一的背：&ot;剧团有啲嘢要处理，大概一个钟就返嚟。&ot;

霍一没有回答。她知道joyce说得有道理，但做起来太难。她的那些故事，那些人物，或多或少都承载着她无法直抒的情感。李悟对令狐喜的求而不得，李城对幻影的执着追寻哪一样不是她内心的倒影？

&ot;或者&ot;霍一的声音有些干涩，&ot;或者人类嘅情感，本质上也都係一套更复杂嘅生物代码呢？激素，神经元放电，童年经历刻印落嘅潜意识模式我哋以为嘅自由意志，也许并唔咁自由。&ot;

霍一沉默了。她看着齐雁声松弛的侧脸，阳光透过窗户，在她深邃的眼窝和挺直的鼻梁上投下柔和的阴影。这一刻的joyce，褪去了舞台上的光环和私底下情动时的迷离，像一个睿智而通透的哲学家，轻描淡写地解构着爱与真实的定义。这让她感到一种奇异的吸引力。

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