番外5平常的一天(齐线)(2/3)

&ot;可怕?&ot;齐雁声挑眉,似乎觉得这个词很有趣,&ot;阿一,你忘记咗我哋係咩行业了?舞台上,我哋扮演嘅就係另一种&039;仿生人&039;啊。按照剧本设定,去爱,去恨,去死亡。观众明知係假,都还是会感动喊。嗰种情感嘅&039;真实&039;,并唔依赖于佢係咪源于演员自身嘅自由意志,而在于呈现嘅&039;效果&039;係咪打动人心。&ot;

她挪动了一下位置,靠近齐雁声,然后侧身,将头轻轻靠在了她的肩膀上,像只超大型犬,把她整个拢在怀里。这是一个带着点依赖意味的动作,与她平日冷峭的外表极不相符。

直到齐雁声的手机响了起来。是剧团的电话,似乎是一些排练的细节需要她确认。她接起电话,用流利的粤语低声交谈着,肩膀依然保持着让霍一依靠的姿势,只是那只原本抚摸她头发的手收了回去。

&ot;攰咗?&ot;她问,声音放得很低,怕惊扰了这一刻的宁静。

她们就这样依偎着,沉默了很长一段时间。阳光慢慢移动,从沙发的一侧移动到另一侧。阿宝醒了过来,打了个哈欠,摇摇晃晃地走到自己的水盆边喝水,发出响亮的舔水声。

霍一几乎要睡着了。在这种安心的氛围里,连日的焦虑和失眠似乎找到了暂时的避风港。

霍一睁开眼,看着近在咫尺的、齐雁声说话时微微颤动的睫毛和开合的嘴唇。她听着她冷静而条理清晰地处理着事务,语气温和却带着不容置疑的权威。这是另一个joyce,干练的、负责的、处于社会关系中的齐雁声。

&ot;揾唔返嚟,就重新写一个。&ot;齐雁声的声音带着笑意,轻松得像在说一件很简单的事,&ot;记忆呢家嘢,本来就会自己呃自己。有时候,一个足够好嘅新故事,比苦苦追寻嗰个唔知真假嘅旧梦,更有意义。&ot;

但齐雁声很快收回了手,神色如常地端起茶杯:&ot;不过话是话,如果真有咁样嘅仿生人,被咁样毫无保留、程序设定般咁爱住,某种程度上,都几幸福嘎?至少唔使担心背叛同厌倦。&ot;她语气轻松,仿佛刚才那个喂食的动作和深沉的对话都只是寻常插曲。

&ot;最近写嘢唔太顺。&ot;霍一低声说,像呢喃又像告解,&ot;卡在一个地方,点都过唔去。&ot;

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&ot;一个关于遗忘同追寻嘅故事。主角想揾返一段好重要嘅记忆,但发现嗰段记忆本身可能就係虚构嘅。&ot;霍一闭着眼,任由自己沉溺在这种被抚摸的舒适感里。她没有说,那个主角的困境,或多或少映射了她自己当下的心境——对过往的迷恋,对现状的困惑,对未来的不确定。

长环境、情感创伤、甚至生理本能编写出的&ot;代码&ot;驱使?她自己能分得清吗?如果分不清,那她的爱,与仿生人的模拟,又有多少本质的区别?

&ot;嗯。&ot;霍一闭上眼睛,鼻腔里充盈着对方身上淡淡的兰花檀香气,混合着普洱和陈皮的味道,令人安心。她能感觉到齐雁声肩胛骨的形状,以及布料下温热的体温。这种不带情欲的肢体接触,反而让她产生一种更深切的悸动。仿佛她们不只是共享肉体欢愉的伴侣,还是可以彼此依靠、分享静谧时光的同类。

霍一抬起眼,看到齐雁声正看着她,眼神里带着一种难以言喻的神色,似乎是探究,又似乎是包容,还有一丝极淡的、几乎无法察觉的怜惜。霍一的心脏猛地一跳。

这是一个自然而亲昵的动作。霍一微微怔了一下,然后低头,就着她的手咬了一口。酥脆的外皮和嫩滑的蛋液在口中化开,甜腻适中。她的嘴唇不可避免地碰到了齐雁声的指尖,触感温热而略微粗糙,那是常年练习枪棒和化妆卸妆留下的痕迹。

霍一直起身,

齐雁声笑了起来,眼角的细纹舒展开:&ot;哎呀,同你倾计总是容易跑到好深嘅地方去。我哋只係演员,谂咁多做咩嘢。&ot;她伸手又拿起一个蛋挞,递到霍一嘴边,&ot;试下啦,冻咗酥皮就唔脆啦。&ot;

霍一忽然不想再讨论仿生人了。她觉得那个话题像一面镜子,照出了她内心太多不确定和惶恐。她更愿意沉浸在此刻这种具象的、温暖的亲密感里。

阿宝在脚边发出轻微的鼾声。客厅里只剩下时钟滴答的轻响和茶壶保温座偶尔发出的微弱电流声。一种宁静而黏稠的氛围弥漫开来。

她放下茶杯,身体向后靠进沙发里,姿态舒展:&ot;所以,喺我睇嚟,真假或许冇咁重要。重要嘅係,份&039;爱&039;嘅呈现,係咪足够有说服力,係咪能够令对方或者话,令旁观者,感受到嗰种强烈嘅情感波动。至于内核係代码定係灵魂,有时候,可能连自己都搞唔清楚。&ot;

&ot;咩样嘅故仔?&ot;齐雁声的手指无意识地卷着霍一的一缕长发,动作轻柔。

&ot;唔会觉得可怕吗?&ot;霍一追问,她舔掉唇角的蛋挞屑,目光紧紧锁着对方,&ot;嗰种被设定好嘅、无法更改嘅、甚至可能扭曲嘅爱?就好似被一个完美嘅陷阱捕获。&ot;

齐雁声的身体似乎僵硬了一瞬,随即放松下来。她没有推开霍一,也没有说话,只是伸出手,自然而然地搭在了霍一的另一侧手臂,手指轻轻捏了捏她衬衫下绷紧的肌肉。

电话打了将近十分钟。挂断后,齐雁声轻轻拍了拍霍一的背:&ot;剧团有啲嘢要处理,大概一个钟就返嚟。&ot;

霍一没有回答。她知道joyce说得有道理,但做起来太难。她的那些故事,那些人物,或多或少都承载着她无法直抒的情感。李悟对令狐喜的求而不得,李城对幻影的执着追寻哪一样不是她内心的倒影?

&ot;或者&ot;霍一的声音有些干涩,&ot;或者人类嘅情感,本质上也都係一套更复杂嘅生物代码呢?激素,神经元放电,童年经历刻印落嘅潜意识模式我哋以为嘅自由意志,也许并唔咁自由。&ot;

霍一沉默了。她看着齐雁声松弛的侧脸,阳光透过窗户,在她深邃的眼窝和挺直的鼻梁上投下柔和的阴影。这一刻的joyce,褪去了舞台上的光环和私底下情动时的迷离,像一个睿智而通透的哲学家,轻描淡写地解构着爱与真实的定义。这让她感到一种奇异的吸引力。

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